Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Send me stuff (please)

Apparently the FTC has decided that Americans are stupid and can’t do research for themselves. Accordingly, they are passing new rules regarding the disclosure of connections between bloggers and companies. In that spirit, I’d like to disclose that I have never received any sort of monetary compensation from any company whose products I have reviewed, although Bike magazine once sent me a free tee shirt. I chose to not review the shirt because it failed miserably is several key categories I consider when shirt testing. The shirt is cotton, which is a strike against almost any upper body clothing item in my opinion. I am proud to say that I don't own a single item of winter cycling gear made from cotton. Additionally I will say that if you have an item of clothing made from cotton, it is not winter cycling gear. Bike's shirt also failed miserably in stain resistance and is now home to strange marks that resulted from carrying chunks of wood into my house. While I know this, anyone else looking at me sees a shirt with weird brown streaks on it. In what I consider the most important category, “Does it make me look cool?”, it also failed. It is white, with large black letters that spell out Bike (and a couple brown streaks). Unless I am actually holding a bike, the coolness effect seems nonexistent. It should be noted, however, that only one shirt I have owned in the last three years has not failed in this category. It was a shirt which said “Bike Ninja” and was red, pretty much making it the sweetest shirt ever. Sadly it now has a hole, and so didn’t stand up in the longevity department.

This got me thinking what the perfect shirt would be. I am thinking it would be made of high quality wool. While there are plenty of great materials out there, I know wool is the best. It would also be long sleeved, since occasionally one has the need to cover their forearms. It would also have a collar, since some employers (one of mine in particular) will demand that employees present themselves in a collared shirt. Additionally it would be red, because red is the best ever. So if you have a shirt company out there and want to make me the best shirt ever, feel free. Just send me one (or several if possible), but no money, and I will immediately begin testing it for review. I am sure the review would be favorable.


Anonymous said...

Beggar whore. You mooch. Moochie Blaylock. Moochie Macho Taco. Moochie McDonald. But I guess if someone sends you something for free and you don't ask for it... That's right, you'd be an unknowing Mooch...Mooch. But you aksed for it. Also be careful what you ask for. People might start sending you their jockstraps, cod pieces, and cock stuffing socks. - Bikeman out

Banger said...

Pre-worn clothing will be disposed of, however, please feel free to send the food items you mentioned. I am hungry.

Also if you have used a jockstrap in connection with cycling at any point, please consider seeking help from a mental health professional.

Billy The Vagina Squirrel. said...

Dear Anonymous,
You are obviously lacking in the penial department. You harassed and belittled Banger for what was obviously a joke, written in a very lighthearted manner. This is borderline retarded behavior. So why don't you take your gaping vajayjay elsewhere and seek professional help. Later Bater --Billy